Archive for A Moment in My Life
Eviscerated by The Peach Jar’s Glass
I haven’t been dieting or journaling or weighing. There is just too much going on.
This picture is a long story. It’s images of me layered with images from some broken jars of applesauce and peaches, set to various colors.
This image will go on the cover of a sketchbook project. It’s probably going to have some acrylic paint “blood drops” added to it.
Just Doing It
I’ve been in a pit of despair for months, unable to create. Some of what is happening with me can be found at my Weighting blog.
I am ready to create again. I finally decided I need to use my writing and art therapy rather than hold it in and let it rot.
Without explination as to why, I am going to leave you with two things today, a definition and a video link (with lyrics). The two aren’t related, except that they both have meaning to me in the past few months. To see the video with her in it go to the link below.
Comfortable as I am
I need your reassurance
And comfortable as you are
You count the days
But if I wanted silence
I would whisper
And if I wanted loneliness
I’d choose to go
And if I liked rejection
I’d audition
And if I didn’t love you
You would know
And why can’t you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care
still care
You say you see the light now
At the end of this narrow hall
I wish it didn’t matter
I wish I didn’t give you all
But if I wanted silence
I would whisper
And if I wanted loneliness
I’d choose to go
And if I liked rejection
I’d audition
And if I didn’t love you
You would know
And why can’t you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care
Poor little misunderstood baby
No one likes a sad face
But I can’t remember life without him
I think I did have good days
I think I did have good days
And why(why) can’t you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care
***
From Wikipedia – Crocodile Tears
Crocodile tears are a false or insincere display of emotion such as a hypocrite crying fake tears of grief. The expression comes from an ancient anecdote that crocodiles weep in order to lure their prey, or that they cry for the victims they are eating. This tale was first spread widely in English in the stories of the travels of Sir John Mandeville in the 14th century.[1]
| “ | In that country and by all Inde be great plenty of cockodrills, that is a manner of a long serpent, as I have said before. And in the night they dwell in the water, and on the day upon the land, in rocks and in caves. And they eat no meat in all the winter, but they lie as in a dream, as do the serpents. These serpents slay men, and they eat them weeping; and when they eat they move the over jaw, and not the nether jaw, and they have no tongue. | ” |
An alternate explanation for the expression’s origin is that crocodile tears cannot be authentic because crocodiles cannot cry; they lack tear ducts. Yet this is a myth: Crocodiles possess lacrimal glands which secrete a proteinaceous fluid, just like in humans, though tears will only be visible after a crocodile is out of the water for a prolonged period of time, and the eyes begin to dry out. However, while crocodiles can and do generate tears, they do not actually cry.[2]
One prominent use of the expression is by Shakespeare in Othello Act IV, Scene i
I have to say, that Maria Mena reminds me of my oldest daughter and myself (a much younger thinner myself) – her lips and pouty face, just the whole video reminds me of a very specfic time in my life.
Hi There You!
Sorry I haven’t been updating this site! I have been blogging a bunch on my Weighting bloggy.
I have some things I hope to post on here this week.
To be honest, I have been going through an emotional crisis. I have been struggling just to do my Weighting project and in fact in some ways it has sort of exaserbated my problems – self-esteem wise.
I’m late! I’m late! For a very important date!
Tracy and I met for “Full Afternoon Tea” at The Royal Tea Room in La Plata on Saturday. It was a lovely, long and relaxing lunch where two high-class ladies spoke of only the road conditions and the weather, as is proper.
Okay, part of that is true. We did go for tea, but we talked about ALL SORTS of stuff! Even stuff ladies aren’t supposed to talk about, especially when they are having a proper tea!
Our server was great. Also very clean and pretty. Recently, at Olive Garden (in Waldorf), I had a waitress who had a filthy shirt on – it was FILTHY – and her hands looked quite dirty as well. NOT HAPPY about that. I was distracted the whole dinner and wanted to get up and leave. If we hadn’t just waited over an hour to be seated and if I’d had anything in the old ice-box at home, we would have bolted. I was worried all evening that one of us would get sick. Also, everybody else was starving and I didn’t want to be the one who said, “WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!” I won’t be eating there again.
Anyway, as for The Royal Tea Room, it’s very neat and clean looking. The owner seemed stressed the day before on the phone, when she asked if I was sure we would be prompt. Then again in the throws of putting together an event that was to start at two, she seemed rather rushed. I guess it’s good they are getting a lot of business, I just hope that she meditates a little before each big event.
You can go there and order regular meals, such as lunch. We opted for tea, though, to get the full tea experience.
Not for vegans, that’s for sure. I gave up my dairy-ban for the day and also ate some chicken and ham for said tea experience. The chicken salad was very good and so was the tiny tuna melt. There was a lemon blueberry triangle of something sweet that I enjoyed. And of course, the little pink cake was the icing on top. I just adore pink icing!
The best thing I ate, and totally worth the dairy ban lift, was the cream of crab soup. Succulent chunks of crab in a creamy sauce of a soup that my arteries will be working on for weeks. It was a dainty cup of soup though, so I didn’t feel too bad about it!
Our lemon, honey and cream was brought out on the dainty tray. We were able to choose our tea cup from a shelving area with various sorts of tea cups and saucers on it. Tracy opted for super-dainty. I liked the teal flowers on mine.
The server (whose name I neglected to request) smiled for the camera along with Tracy.
Below is an image of Tracy – pinkie out. I insisted. We were putting on “airs.” You’d have to be a Spongebob fan to understand.
See the cute pink one on top? YUM!
Me with my pinkie out!
How Sweet It Is
What is it about pink frosting that makes sweets so appealing? This cookie, which was rather large enough to share with three of my family members, was a sample I ordered ($5.95 shipping included) from a lovely little etsy shop. It was an experiment in search of something wonderful to put on the dessert table for my grandmother’s 75th birthday soiree. I think we may end up ordering enough to give as favors instead, though in butterfly form.
To see the lovely little confections visit lorisplace on etsy. She has all kinds of baked goodies, but her favor cookies are just beautiful. They also come in varied themes. For my grandmother we plan on ordering butterflies. She has Mother’s Day gift assortments. Come Father’s Day, I’ll bet she’ll have some for that too! I like giving edible gifts to family members who have limited household space. They get a very lovely gift and they don’t have to find a place to store it!
Jade got some lovely flowers for her birthday from Ken and his family. Or maybe they were just from her beau Ken. We got her flowers to give her after a performance of Seussical the Musical, in which she was an ensemble member. She also got a nice bunch from a friend of ours too. It was a very sweet gesture. As the flowers died I would combine them into different containers. One of my favorite containers to put flowers into is an old fahsioned Ball jar. The below image includes some crazy cool stripey roses that Ken gave her. In the photo below that is what the bunch looked like as certain flowers began to die off.
The flowers we bought Jade faded the fastest. Why, you might ask yourself? Why oh why? Well, I cut their stems nice and tidy, picked the perfect vase for them and put them in the center of a freshly cleaned table. When I woke up the next morning they looked wilty. I was much dismayed that the store had obviously given me a lousy bunch of old flowers. I marched over to the table and picked the vase up and notice that I had forgotten to put water in it! The poor flowers were dying of thirst and it was ALL MY FAULT!
In keeping with the Seussical theme of the weeks surrounding Jade’s birthday, we ordered a fun little cake from Charles St. Bakery. I just said, “Gimme some stripes and polka dots in bright colors.” They did it on one day’s notice too. WOO HOO!
I stopped by the bakery this morning to meet a new pal and ran into two old pals who came in at different times during our visit. New pal Kendall asked, “Heather, do you know everybody?” And older pal Debra said that I did. I laughed. On the way home I thought of my first friend I’d made when I moved to Maryland. Sherry befriended me a few months after I moved here. I was pretty lonely and insulated with Robert gone at work all day, no car and little cash. I was homeschooling my daughters and we spent most of each day reading, doing crafts, watching shows and movies and playing games. Anyway, Sherry was doing work for a local community theatre. She was tying up loose ends on a show she was directing and she needed somebody to help paint the set. I had been poking around the internet looking for something to do and somehow we connected. I think it was the next day, she picked up my kids and me and took us to the theatre. I painted some designs on the set having no idea what the heck I was doing. She was very nice and encouraging. I’d never done set painting in my life, but I was very happy to have something creative to do besides what came in kid’s craft books. Sherry immediatly took me under her wing. She toted my little clan around town a couple of times and every place we went somebody knew her. I thought that was so cool. She is a good friend and now her daughter, who grew up alonside my oldest, is a regular fixture in our house – a sort of extended family member. And just like that, I had a friend. From that friendship the world opened a bit more. Sherry’s goddessy energy really made me feel inspired.
While at the bakery I had a lovely buttery apple poundcake slice. It was a resonable slice and my lungs have been doing quite well, so I’ve allowed myself a little bit of dairy here and there. I still am using soy milk all the time though. There are only three tables in the tiny bakery, but it’s got such a nice “small-town” feel to it.
Robert is doing a 5K walk for hospice in St. Mary’s tomorrow. I’m very proud of him. I think when I am done writing this I will go give him squishes and kisses.
Billy boy is putting on a Monty Python – maybe I ought to go spend some time with him now.
Those are sweet things in life too, don’t you think? Doing a good deed. Snuggling on the couch and watching something silly. Nibbling on pretty cookies. Making new friends. All wonderful sweet bits of life.
I am missing a party at a fabulous friend’s house tonight. I sure hope they are having fun! All the little puzzle pieces didn’t fall into place for me tonight Christiana – sorry! Have tons of fun without me and thank you *so much* for the invite. That was sweet too!
Tomorrow I hope to get the studio humming! I’ll keep ya posted! Hey, remind me to tell you about all the Alice in Wonderlandy things going on around me. And the Snow White stuff I plan on doing!
Under My Umbrella
When Jade got into the car this morning she realized she’d forgotten her umbrella. I said, “I wanted to remind you about it, but I felt I’d reached my reminder limit with you.” At 15 she doesn’t like to be reminded not to forget things. Then, she sometimes says, “Why didn’t you remind me?” This particular feature of my little angel is something that must be genetic, because her daddy is the same way. She said, “I hope Courtney didn’t spend too much time on her hair.” This perplexed me since Courtney was not in our vehicle and nor did she even ride the bus home with Jade. It turns out that Jade shares her umbrella before a certain class in which she has a trek from the school to the outside classroom. I say “outside classroom” but they are trailers. I know there probably isn’t a school in America these days that doesn’t have one. Anyway, I thought that was sweet. I imagined her holding the umbrella as she and Courtney walked together to class.
I’m slightly miserable today. Each time I cycle I think it can’t be worse the next time, but sometimes it’s worse. Heating pads and ibuprofen – the badges of a real woman. Oh, and don’t forget the chocolate. I’ve already be-headed a darling dark chocolate Dove bunny. Will also got me these adorable bug truffles. Aren’t they just the cutest?
The bugs actually had little molded faces, which was a kind of neat surprise. They also had little crispy bits inside and it made me wonder if Lindt did that on purpose for a nice light buggy crunch? HAHA!
I am playing Chocolat in the DVD player. It’s in the other room, but turned up so I can hear it. Sometimes it’s too quiet and I am not in the mood for music, but rather just voices. Chocolat has today’s bloggy themes of chocolate and gypsies, which makes it a perfect choice. When it is over, perhaps I will listen to the disks from my “Enchanted” collection I got for my birthday.
I am wishing for sunshine. It’s been raining so much here.
I often wonder about moving to Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, New Mexico, Arizona or California. They seem like mostly sunny places with artsy towns here and there. I wonder.
I am wishing for a big tree in the back yard where Will could build his treehouse.
And I’d cherish a pond with a koi. Or, I’d settle for goldfish.
I suppose I should find more delights in what I already have. Indulge in the sumptuousness around me, yes? Well, sometimes with the dog holes gaping at me in the back yard and the pile that needs to go to the dump on the side of the house and the evidence of my woeful gardening abilities are so glaring, they are hard to ignore. So, yes, I find my dainty pleasures where I may, but there is still much to fix and do that sometimes can be a joy suck.
Day before yesterday I lay on the hammock, my head hanging off of the side and marveled at the brilliant clear blue of the shameless sky. It made the perfect backdrop for something I had not even noticed the day before – buds on the trees. The trees beyond the rusty chain-link fence. Oh, if I could only learn to love chain-link. But in my upside down position I could hardly see the chain-link and only the peachy-yellow buds asserting themselves on the branch tips against the backdrop of that crystalline sky. Here is a photo of what I saw. I wish you could have been here – it was lovely.
Other wishes: I am wishing for a lovely gypsy tent in the yard as soon as the weather is dry and balmy for two days in a row, and since I will not soon have my dreamy vardo.
Yes, I still have vardo dreams – in fact, they have spawned a new artsy idea. Though some of my research makes the concept seem overly daunting, I can’t help but be optimistic. With some help from Willo (that is the dreamy name I will call him when I speak of art and gypsies) I think it won’t be too technically overwhelming. All of those things will have to wait though, until the Body Politics installation is, well, installed at Artomatic.
Also, the Baltimore Playwright Festival is looming. Gotta clean up Delia and get her submitted. I might submit my short diner play too. We’ll see.
Look at this band of gypsies, they need a little spot to relax, wouldn’t you say?
Cry Baby
I watched this video – which also happens to be a T-Mobile commercial…and cried.
There is something about it that makes me get choked up.
The last couple of days I’ve been shedding a lot of tears. You can blame it on “Aunt Flow” if you want, but it’s more than that.
I feel alive with ideas, yet burdened by them at the same time. How can I possibly make this body do that many things?
I am inspired with all the talented people out there. Each blog I visit lets me peek into another magical world. I actually found this video on a blog that had me crackling with inspiration already.
It all started with me just looking at various blog layouts – but that is dangerous work for me. When I like the layout, I linger. When I linger I get distracted from the task at hand.
Some days I have to simply walk away from the computer, even though some of my art lies there. Some of my undone tasks are dangling there. But, it’s good for me to step away and focus on another aspect of work at times. Today, I am cleaning the studio up. Yes, it was recently cleaned, quite well I might add, but it’s a tad messy now. Nothing like before – before it wasn’t even organized, right now it’s just needing a tidy-up. So that will be my chore for the day. To tidy, so I may then get some work completed.
The level to which I have been distracted by tangential indulgences this past week are unsurpassed so far this year. I have been wholly indulgent in my path meanderings. Facebook also encourages such behavior to a degree at which might be frightening if I had to actually leave my home for a daily job. Yesterday I was totally obsessed with finding out if I could buy local eggs that looked like the eggs I had gotten from a particular farm a couple of years ago and much like an entry here on Maya*Made. Of course, it being Sunday and a holiday to boot, I couldn’t find out squat. So, today I made did a little research and made a phone call and later this week I’ll hopefully have some lovely, colorful and local eggs.
Currently I am preparing Body Politics for Artomatic. That will be keeping me occupied for weeks to come. After Artomatic opens, I will be ready for more indulgent artful activities. I’ve come up with several ideas that I’m excited to get started on right away, so maybe I will get started on them in small ways – to have some works-in-progress that I can come back to and finish.
One thing is for certain – I am very glad to be past many of my self-improvement techniques and exercises and onto who I am. I know who I am. I have worked past many obstacles and have arrived at my creative place. And even in times of uncertainty and when despair rears its ugly head from time to time, I have great sources of support that I have cultivated. Great friends. Great family. Great loves. I hope I can always be as wonderful and supportive as my friends have been to me.
Clever Girl
I want to be so obviously clever that somebody will call me “clever girl.” It always sounds better with a British accent, too. So, it would be extra special if somebody British said it to me.
I am bubbling with ideas right now. Too many to make happen. It’s frustrating having only this one body and two arms and ten fingers to get all of my ideas out with. There are so many things to create, I can hardly finish one before I’ve begun another.
I love clay.
I love paint.
I love words.
I love love.
There is so much to absorb. There is so much to care about. Don’t you just have to turn parts off sometimes, just to quiet everything long enough to focus? How can I ever get one thing all the way done if I am constantly interrupted by myself? I have managed to knock out a number of things the past two weeks. Some medical tests, lots of photos processed, blogs I’d been meaning to write. Each one is a stone I’ve removed from the bag I’m dragging behind me. They are a burden, but they are also pretty and shiny and cool. They are only a burden because I want so badly to share these things. Then as each idea fires, it sets off sparks and new ones ignite. I write down the ones I don’t have time for now, so I have them for later, when the idea well is a bit drier.
Things can change in fifteen seconds…
Well, I had this window open because I was gonna write about my exciting new art project. I am still going to write about it, but later, my mood has shifted due to general conflicts of energy in the past ten seconds – so the mood is gone.
I will write in a while.
The Goddess Returns
UPDATE
Actually Robert fixed it so that I’m at http://chronicles.heatherbartlettart.com – but both links work!
****
Original post:
I am going to start blogging again at my old “Goddess Chronicles” blog. The URL isn’t what it used to be so if you are having trouble finding it, it will now be at http://www.heatherbartlettart.com/goddesschronicles – I have really missed my musings there. I will reserve this blog for more art-related stuff.
An admirer from Belgium
